


A work in progress

by xPenguinQueenx



Series: Depression besties [2]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, References to Depression, this one hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25531666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xPenguinQueenx/pseuds/xPenguinQueenx
Summary: She doesn’t know it at the time, but Jackson’s words will cause Yerim years of pain.A companion piece to The love we accept.
Relationships: Choi Yerim | Choerry/Im Yeojin
Series: Depression besties [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849951
Comments: 13
Kudos: 201





	A work in progress

Yerim sits patiently in her grandmother’s tiny car. Her purple backpack sits tucked between her legs on the floor. The zipper doesn’t close all the way like it should anymore, and although it leaves an uncomfortable feeling in her tummy every time she sees it, she doesn’t dare tell anyone about it. She doesn’t want to get in trouble for breaking it.

“Yerim?” Her grandmother stops the car in the school’s parking lot, petting Yerim’s hair gently. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to be upset.”

Yerim tilts her head, feet kicking her bag full of spelling homework she did the night before. Her parents call her a very diligent student when she studies, and she likes the way they smile at her when she brings home good grades. “Okay.”

Her grandmother looks sad. Yerim wonders why. “Your parents aren’t going to be able to make it home tonight.”

Yerim’s feet still, a bad feeling boiling in her tummy. Not like when she noticed the zipper, this time it hurts more. She hopes she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t like crying. “But it’s my birthday.”

Her grandmother flinches. “I know, sweetie. They’re very busy today, busy making money to get you all those new toys you like.”

Yerim frowns, lips trembling. “I don’t need new toys. I have lots of toys.”

She has more toys than she knows what to do with. It’s why none of the other kids like her in her class, always glaring when she brings in a new plaything that they’ll never get. She’d happily give all of them away for her parents to play with her instead.

“How about we go get ice cream tonight? We can celebrate.” She leans over to press a kiss onto Yerim’s forehead. “They’ll be home tomorrow, so you have to be a brave girl for me, okay? No crying. Smile instead. Crying is for babies, and you aren’t a baby, right?”

Yerim shakes her head. “No, I’m not a baby.”

She ignores her sniffles, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hands. She won’t be a baby and cry. If her grandma wants her to smile instead then she’ll pretend she doesn’t want to cry. Yerim is not a baby.

“Good girl. Now get going.” Yerim nods, tugging at her bag on the floor, angling the zipper away just in case. “I love you, Yerim.”

She blinks the last of her tears away. “I love you, too.”

She shuffles out of the car and runs to the front door where a teacher is waiting with the door open. Yerim makes sure to give the brightest smile she can muster, full of teeth (Mostly, she’s missing two on the bottom because she bit into a gross, sour apple.) and greets her with enthusiasm.

When she gets to her classroom, no one greets her. No one glares at her either though. Yerim wonders if she’s getting special treatment since it’s her birthday today. She hopes so, Yeonwoo steals her pencils sometimes and she only has one today.

She hangs her backpack up, eyeing the zipper worriedly. It hurts her tummy every time she thinks about someone noticing it and scolding her. She decides to take it down from the front row and stuff it in the back, just in case.

She makes sure to sharpen her pencil and put on a brand new eraser so she doesn’t have to walk across the rest of the class to do it later. That makes her tummy feel bad too. Especially when the other kids stare at her the entire time.

Once she has her pencil ready, she hums for a little bit to clear her throat. The last time she had to read out loud to the classroom, she coughed in the middle of it and the others laughed at her. She had told her daddy about it, and he showed her how to hum to help make sure she didn’t do it again.

She goes through one last list in her head to start her day. Her shoes are tied, her shirt has no wrinkles and the buttons are in their correct places, Yerim’s pants have no stains from her syrupy breakfast, and there isn’t a single sign of boogers.

Her tummy settles finally.

Yeonwoo slides into her chair on Yerim’s left. Yerim offers a tiny greeting, but she’s ignored. She had seen that coming. No matter how many times she has tried to befriend Yeonwoo, the girl ignores her. 

Yeojin, the new girl that arrived last week, plops into the chair at Yerim’s right. 

“Hey.” Yerim points to the bag in Yeojin’s lap. “You’re supposed to put that up before class.”

She likes Yeojin, even if the girl doesn’t follow the rules very well. She’s a lot smaller than the rest of the kids in their class, but she somehow still manages to be the loudest. Yeonwoo doesn’t like it when Yeojin is loud, Yerim can tell, but she never says anything to the girl like she does with Yerim.

“I know.” Yeojin huffs, pulling a purple plush from her bag. She sets it on Yerim’s desk. “Here. Happy birthday.”

Yerim blinks down at the stuffed toy, then at the small girl. “What?”

Yeojin frowns. “It’s your birthday, right?”

Yerim nods. She hadn’t expected anyone to wish her a happy birthday, not even the new girl who she had mentioned her birthday to offhandedly on her first day at school. “Thank you.”

Yeojin grins bright. “You’re welcome! I tried to steal it, but Haseul wouldn’t let me. We paid for it- my new parents did, actually- and I didn’t know if you would like it ‘cuz I know you have lots of cool toys you bring-”   
“I love it.” Yerim cuts her off once Yeojin’s loud voice starts attracting other’s gazes. “This is my favorite toy now.”

She picks it up carefully. It’s not like the things her parents buy her. They always get her plastic dolls or shiny play sets. She’s not used to having something so soft and cuddly. 

“Really?” Yeojin bounces in her seat. “You mean it?”

Yerim nods. “Yeah.”

“Cool.” Yeojin seems happy now. “I’ve never gotten a friend something before.”

Yerim almost drops the stuffed bat. “Friend?”

“Yeah! We’re friends, aren’t we?” Yeojin tilts her head, like that should be obvious.

Yerim shrugs. “I’ve never had a friend before.”

  
“Oh.” Yeojin shrugs too. “Me neither. I guess we can be each other’s first?”

  
Yerim thinks there's something wrong with her heart because it’s beating super hard, but it doesn't hurt her. If anything, she’s never felt better. “Yeah, okay!”

  
  


```

  
  


Sooyoung is having a party at her house tonight. Yerim is going because Haseul asked her to look after her sister, but she’s also doing this for herself. Haseul, Sooyoung, and Jinsol are going to be in their last year of high school soon, and she wants to know what it’s like to be around all the older, cooler kids.

She’s come a long way from the awkward little girl that was made fun of at school. She thinks it’s mostly because Haseul and her best friends are intimidating to the people in her grade, but Yerim has also gotten better at standing up for herself. Besides, if she or the older girls don’t get to them first, Yeojin is the one making sure bullies stay clear of Yerim.

Haseul helps both of them get ready when they ask. She doesn’t seem entirely pleased with the low cut top that Yeojin is wearing and makes her change, much to Yerim’s amusement. There’s truly nothing she finds funnier than the two sisters squabbling over nonsense like this. It’s even better when their parents end the arguments with vague threats that they never go through with.

Yerim’s family is nothing like them. Her parents, as much as they obviously love her, toss materialistic things at her and hope that she stays happy, and her grandmother is always striving for her to be more mature than the others around her. None of them would enjoy the way Haseul and Yeojin so casually smother the people around them in affection or the way they so casually dance through life.

Once they get through one of Haseul and Yeojin’s classic arguments with parental interference, Haseul sets off to Sooyoungs, Yerim and Yeojin trailing behind. Yerim ignores the growing anxiety in her stomach, grabbing Yeojin’s hand to calm her nerves.

“We’re going to an actual high school party,” Yerim whispers.

Yeojin rolls her eyes. “It’s my sister and her best friends, Yerim. How cool can it be?”

Yerim ends up being mostly right, because it’s not very cool. There’s alcohol- it’s Sooyoung’s party, of course there is- but the house is filled with maybe fifteen people. She recognizes a few of the people from the school play that Haseul took part in, a couple of Sooyoung’s dancing buddies, and the girl flirting with Jinsol in the kitchen looks familiar, but Yerim can’t quite put a name to her face. She doesn’t know the rest, but she assumes they’re classmates.

She and Yeojin probably look completely out of place, but Jinsol and Sooyoung are excited to see them at least. Jinsol steals Yerim away almost instantly while Haseul drags Yeojin by the sleeve in the opposite direction.

“Well, look at this.” Jinsol smirks teasingly, offering Yerim a red cup. “Our babies are growing up and going to parties.”

Yerim sniffs over the rim. It smells normal. “It’s Sooyoung’s party. It’s not  _ that _ exciting.”

“Hey!” Jinsol punches her arm as soon as she attempts to take a drink. “I helped create this get together!”

Juice, or whatever it was, sloshes right onto her shirt. She’s glad she wore something dark tonight. “Oh, sorry. What I meant was,  _ wow this is the best party I’ve ever been to.” _

“It’s the only party you’ve been to, you dork.”

Yerim smiles into her cup, taking an actual sip this time. Yep, definitely apple juice. Of course Jinsol wouldn’t offer her alcohol, she’s entirely too protective of Yerim. She can’t say she doesn’t appreciate it though.

“True. Let’s hope you don’t set the bar too high.” Jinsol pulls her into her side as she laughs.

Yerim catches the girl from earlier watching them. She thinks that it’s probably a good time to find someone else to hang out with so Jinsol might actually be able to find a girlfriend before she goes to college. A serious one, at least. She’s not sure if Jinsol has ever had an  _ actual  _ relationship or not. 

The day Jinsol shows actual interest in a girl for more than a day is the day Yerim and the others eat their pants. She doubts it will ever actually happen, Jinsol is very wary of being vulnerable with others.

It might be why they’re so close to one another, actually.

“Hey.” Yerim nods toward the girl, pulling away. “I think someone wants your attention. Better go.”

Before Jinsol can complain about not getting enough of her _ Yerim time _ , and she would have complained, she bails out of the kitchen. She keeps her cup close to her, remembering all the tips she read online about party dos and don’ts.

Sooyoung looks busy talking up a storm to a group. She doesn’t see Yeojin, but Haseul seems unconcerned by her sister’s absence while she talks to her friends. She assumes Yeojin must be somewhere perfectly safe, like the bathroom.

Yerim thinks about joining one of them, just to have someone she’s familiar with around, but doesn’t think they would want one of their kid friends interrupting their time. She decides she might as well sit down and enjoy her apple juice.

Sooyoung’s house isn’t very large, and so things are a bit cramped, but no one seems to want near the bean bags in the corner of the living room. Probably because they still smell like beans from that time Jinsol dropped her burritos all over them. That’s why it seems like the best place for Yerim to sit until she finds Yeojin.

She flops down into the chair, a result of being around Yeojin and the older girls for way too long, and keeps an eye out for her favorite person. However, someone else finds her before she can find Yeojin.

“How’s it going little one?” The boy’s bright grin is infectious, even after he flops into the second bean bag and sniffs the air. “Do you smell beans?”

Yerim snorts. “Hey Jackson. Jinsol spilled her lunch on all of them.”

Jackson raises an eyebrow. “Beans for the bean bags, huh?”

“I guess so.” Yerim shrugs. She likes Jackson. Jinsol makes him sound like a troublemaker, but Yerim has always liked trouble makers. It’s why she’s so attached to all of them. “How are you?”

He reaches over to ruffle her hair. She blushes, embarrassed by the action. If she didn’t already feel like the little sister of the party, she sure does now. “Good, I was trying to convince Jinsol to start a business with me, but that girl she’s talking to seemed ready to bite my head off.”

Yerim looks away to find Jinsol squirming away from the other girl after she touches her arm. She guesses it’s safe to cross that one off the list of possible future girlfriends for Jinsol. “Yeah, she’s… something.”

Jackson crosses his arms, leaning back. “She’s never gonna find a girlfriend, I swear. I’m pretty sure the only thing that would have Jinsol considering a girl is if she bought her an engine or something.”

“Buying something for that truck of hers would win her over for sure.”

Jackson sighs, eyes brightening when her gaze lands on him. “Speaking of girlfriends! Where’s yours?”

Yerim blinks. “Huh?”

Jackson narrows his eyes. “Yeojin?”

“Oh!” She doesn’t know why the implication startles her so much. “No- We- Yeojin isn't-”

“Yeojin isn’t what?” The girl, as if knowing exactly when someone is talking about her, appears. 

Yerim blushes, ears turning red. “Nothing! We were talking about… your sister. I told Jackson that Haseul wanted you to join the play and-”

“Oh ew!” Yeojin doesn’t even bother asking Yerim to move over, just plops into her lap. Yerim is still feeling terribly warm when her arms automatically wrap around her. “I’m so not doing that. Do I look like a nerd?”

Jackson eyes Yerim strangely, an amused smile playing at his lips. He eventually turns to Yeojin. “Well, you look like your sister so…”

Yeojin squeals. “That’s the worst response anyone has ever given me!”

She doesn’t know it at the time, but Jackson’s words will cause Yerim years of pain.

  
  


```

  
  


Things began changing after that party. Yerim finds it harder to touch Yeojin like she used to. She used to easily swipe the hair in her face away or wipe ketchup on her cheek with her thumb, but now she can barely hold her best friend’s hand without feeling like her heart is going to beat out of her chest.

It’s not too hard to hide it, unless they’re having a sleepover and Yeojin wants to cuddle. She’s scared that one day Yeojin’s head will end up on her chest and she’ll hear the stampede of noise.

No one else notices, thank goodness. If Sooyoung ever got wind of it, she’d probably tease her for the rest of her life, especially the days that Yerim has to stop herself from drooling as she watches Sooyoung and Yeojin’s dance practices. 

Still, she wants, needs, somebody to know, but her friends are all way too close. It seems right that she goes to her grandmother about this. After all, she hadn’t been  _ too _ harsh about Yerim liking girls, even if she was obviously a bit disappointed. Yerim is confident that her grandmother will know what to do in this situation.

“Hey.” Yerim peeks her head into the living room, hands in the pockets of her hoodie. “What are you doing?”

Her grandmother lights up at the sight of her. “Oh, just watching my shows.”

Yerim hums, shuffling over to the couch. “Oh? Anything exciting happen?”

“Well, you remember Minjun?” Yerim does not, but she nods anyway. “It turns out that he has a twin sister, Minseo, and Minseo has been dating Minjun’s wife’s brother that everyone thought was in a coma!”

Yerim can’t say she finds the appeal to her grandmother’s favorite show. She would have got bored after the fourth time they put a character in a coma, but as long as it brings her some sort of joy and entertainment, she won’t complain.

“Wow.” Yerim shakes her head. “That’s crazy.”

“Yes, but that’s not why you’re here, right?” The old woman eyes her knowingly. “What’s on your mind?”

Yerim squirms uncomfortably when she turns the television off, giving her all of her attention. She hates how the woman just always  _ knows.  _ “Do you- uh- remember when I told you that I liked girls?”

She frowns ever so slightly. “I-yes, I remember.”

Yerim continues, despite feeling discouraged by the disapproval behind her words. “Well, I think I might like Yeojin. Romantically, I mean.”

She waits with bated breath. Her stomach churns when her grandmother’s eyes narrow. She doesn’t look entirely please, but Yerim knows that she’ll be able to offer advice. She always has advice for Yerim.

“You like Yeojin? The little one from the unconventional family that you bring around?” Yerim has to bite back the need to defend Yeojin and Haseul’s honor at the moment, and nods instead. “Yerim, that’s disgusting.”

Yerim flinches back so hard that one would think she had been physically struck. It feels like she had been, like a slap to the face.

“What?” Her voice wavers.

Her grandmother sighs angrily, rubbing a hand across her face. “Yerim, it’s one thing to like girls. I’m… still not sure how to go about that, but to like your friend? What do you do? Do you spy on her when she changes? Do you relish the moments that she pulls you into her when you have sleepovers? Do you take advantage of her friendship-”

“No!” Yerim stands, legs shaking. This is not the response she had expected. “Of course I don’t!”

“I did not help raise you to do such deviant-”

“I don’t! I’m not like that,” She wails.

“Yerim!” Her grandmother hits the side table with her fist, her metal teapot decoration nearly falling off from the force. “You will listen to me!”

Yerim falls back to the couch, her legs no longer able to support her. She opens her mouth, but the only thing that comes up is a sob.

“You will  _ not _ cry. Crying is for babies.” Her grandmother’s gaze hardens. Yerim shuts her eyes, willing her tears to leave. “Now, you listen to me, and you listen well. You will not infect that girl with this. This is  _ your  _ problem.”

Yerim doesn’t dare open her eyes. She knows the minute she sees the anger coating her grandmother’s face, she’ll lose it. She already feels like she needs to throw up because of the twisting in her stomach, she doesn’t need to add crying like a child to the list.

“I love you.” Her voice softened. “Yeojin and those girls are good for you, but what is going to happen when you mess all that up with your feelings?”

She sniffles. “I won’t mess it up.”

  
“Good,” Her grandmother says simply. Yerim slowly opens her eyes. Her grandmother is watching her softly. “I’m just looking out for you, sweetie. How do you think she would react if she knew you were taking advantage of her friendship after all these years? How do you think her sister would feel to know that you’ve been preying on her baby sister after she trusted you to look after her?”

“Preying?” Yerim whimpers. “Is that what I’ve…”

She feels sick. Is that really what she’s been doing all these years? Taking advantage of Yeojin’s kindness?

“Not on purpose, I’m sure!” She sighs, turning the television back on. “You’ll figure this out, Yerim.”

She goes right back to her show, as if none of that conversation happened in the first place. Yerim doesn’t understand how she can be so nonchalant about this when she’s just turned Yerim’s entire world upside down.

She excuses herself to use the bathroom upstairs so when she empties her stomach, her grandmother won’t hear. When she looks at herself in the mirror, trying to fix her appearance, she feels gross.

  
  


```

She avoids them for a week before they show up at her house. When she opens the door, she doesn’t even bother fighting them, merely ushers them into her room where  _ We Bare Bears _ is playing.

Yeojin takes her official spot on Yerim’s bed. Sooyoung and Haseul fight for the spot on the futon without the messed up spring while Jinsol spreads out at the bottom of the bed. She prepares herself for the talk that she knows is coming, but they let her finish her episode before the questions start coming.

“So, what’s wrong?” Jinsol taps the bottom of her foot. Yerim almost kicks her hand on accident when she hits a sensitive spot. She’s very ticklish.

Yeojin’s gaze burns into the side of her head as she tries to laugh it off. “Nothing much. A bad week I guess.”

Sooyoung hums, leaning into Haseul after the smaller girl has somehow wormed herself into the better seat on the futon. “You wanna talk about it?”

Yerim shakes her head. “No, I’ll just cry if I do.”

“So?’ Haseul narrows her eyes.

“Crying is for babies.” Yerim states simply.

Jinsol snorts. “Pretty sure it’s for everyone? Otherwise the ability to cry would shut off after we grew up.”

“Yeah.” Haseul smirks. “Sooyoung cries, like, all the time.”

Sooyoung shrugs. “True.”

Yerim feels amused until Yeojin let’s her head fall onto her shoulder. “So what’s up? You haven’t even talked to me in a week. Mom and Dad miss you.”

Yerim contemplates her situation. Her grandmother is right, they’re all so good for her, but she can’t tell them about her feelings for Yeojin. That would ruin everything, but maybe there’s a way out of this.

“I- um…” Yerim shrinks at their stares. “I’ve been trying to find a way to… tell my parents that… I like girls.”

It’s not  _ not _ a lie, but she still feels guilty, especially when no one even bats an eye at the admittance. 

Jinsol reaches over to pat her knee. “Do you want us to be there when you tell them?” 

“I-” Yerim glances at all of them. “-okay.”

Yeojin slips her hand into Yerim’s and Jinsol crawls over to drape herself over them both. Yerim thinks that maybe she can do this. She can pretend that she doesn’t have feelings for Yeojin.

  
  


```

  
  


Yerim lays wrapped in a bundle of covers, hood pulled over her head. Her pillow is soaked, and she can almost hear her grandmother yelling down at her to stop crying. Crying is for babies, not for Yerim.

She doesn’t even remember her last conversation with her grandmother at this point. Their relationship had been so strained since their conversation about Yeojin that Yerim found it easier just to avoid her. Now she’s regretting it.

“Honey?” Her mother knocks on the door, but Yerim doesn’t respond. The door creaks open, and still, Yerim doesn’t move a muscle to welcome her mother into the room. “Yerim, can we talk?”

She sniffles, shuffling over just the slightest to offer her some room on the bed. It’s unnecessary because her bed is big enough to fit three comfortably, but it’s an invitation all the same. Her mother doesn’t waste it.

“Sweetie.” The term of endearment hurts. “It’s been two weeks now. I think it’s time to try and get back to normal.”

Yerim has never lived a normal life. She doesn’t know what that means. “I don’t know how.”

Her mother sighs. “I know, but we have to try.”

She says  _ we  _ like she has any idea what Yerim is going through. How does she continue on when the one person she loved more than anything tells her that she’s disgusting? How does Yerim keep going when she made her feel likeYerim was nothing even though she still loved her? What does Yerim do now that she’s gone and she will never get to apologize to Yerim like Yerim dreamed she would for so long?

“It hurts.” Yerim mutters into the pillow.

Her mother lowers the covers, pulling at her hands. She lays a gentle kiss to every single one of her knuckles, massaging her fingertips. “You have to stop chewing on your nails, Yerim. You’re not going to have any left by the time you’re finished.”

She hadn’t meant to. Her nails are the only things available to keep her mind away from bad thoughts when she’s laying in bed like this.

“Sorry.” Slowly, she feels her hood being lowered, revealing her bloodshot eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Her mother kisses her forehead before reaching for her matted hair, pulling at the mess. “I think, maybe, you might need to talk to someone Yerim.”

She sniffled, leaning into her mother’s touch. “I don’t want to talk to anyone about it.”

“Not me or Dad?”

She shakes her head.

“Yeojin?”

“No.” Certainly not her.

Her mother hums. “What about a therapist?”

Yerim thinks about it. “Maybe.”

“Okay.” Her fingers begin working through the knots in her hair. “We can talk about it again later. How about we get this mess untangled first, yeah? Let’s get you into the bathtub.”

  
  


```

There’s a new girl in her Sunday sessions. Her name is Jungeun, and the others gossip about her, even when she’s close enough to hear. It reminds Yerim of the times when she was younger and everyone, except Yeojin, talked about her and her fancy toys.

She likes to think that they’re kind of friends, maybe just acquaintances. She smiles at Jungeun when someone whispers too loud, loud enough for Jungeun to hear, and in return, Jungeun reminds her not to chew her fingernails down to nothing. It works for them, but their therapy leader doesn’t seem to appreciate their friendship.

She doesn’t know what it is about Jungeun that makes Yerim feel so intrigued. There’s nothing romantic there, even if Jungeun is one of the prettiest girls she’s met. She feels safe in her presence though, like she would an old friend.

Jungeun doesn’t seem too happy to be here though. Yerim wasn’t either at first, but it’s grown on her. She may not be talking about terrible trauma, but it’s something, her fun stories from when she was a kid. It helps to talk about it all, and they always think the zipper story is funny.

Jungeun has to remind her again today not to gnaw on her nails. That alone is enough to send a smile before she leaves for the day, but Jungeun isn’t looking. Instead, her gaze is locked onto the little pigeon outside the window. 

When her mother doesn’t show, and Jinsol informs her of the dance competition she’s obligated to drive Yeojin to, Yerim is ready to give up. Thankfully, Kim Jungeun appears and saves her day.

It’s the start of a beautiful friendship.

  
  


```

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Jungeun asks her one night.

They’re curled up on Yerim’s bed having a movie marathon. It’s not one of Yerim’s good days, and Jungeun knows better than to interrogate her. She understands Yerim’s mind better than even Yerim some days.

“Soulmates? Yerim asks curiously. It’s an odd question. 

Jungeun nods. “Yeah, like, do you think that there’s a person out there that’s just made for you?”

Yerim doesn’t bother pausing the movie, she’s seen it before. “Not really.”

Jungeun flips over, staring her down with an intense expression. “No? You seem like you’re totally into that stuff. The fairy tale ending.”

“I am.” Yerim shrugs. She totally wants the happily ever after; Jinsol calls her a softy. “I just don’t believe in soulmates. Do you?”

Jungeun’s brow furrows. She bites her lip, thinking deeply. “I think so.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Jungeun is talking about Jinsol. Yerim thinks that they’re adorable. She’s happy somebody has finally caught Jinsol’s attention, and even better that it’s someone like Jungeun.

Jungeun is kind and gentle, despite what she may try to make others think. Yerim knows simply because of all the times that Jungeun has given up her peaceful nights alone to keep Yerim company.

“You know, Jinsol has never looked at anyone the way she looks at you.” Yerim supplies, enjoying the way Jungeun’s ears heat up.

“Whatever.” Jungeun turns away, embarrassed. “Why don’t you believe in soulmates?”

Yerim laughs at her childish display before sobering. “I guess… I don’t know. I think it’s silly to believe that there’s only one person in the world that could make someone happy. I think the important part of love is that you get up every day and you choose them. Despite all the choices in the world, you get up and you love that person more than anything.”

She prays Jungeun doesn’t note the wistfulness in her voice. 

Jungeun hums. “That… that’s surprisingly deep.”

“Hey!” Yerim laughs, making an attempt at pushing her off the bed. “I can be deep! I’m very smart!”

Jungeun chuckles, latching onto her and pulls her down. “Tell that to all the metal straws in my room that you bulk ordered, dummy!”

  
  


```

  
  


She calls Jungeun on a stormy night after her parents have left for a work problem, finally feeling her breaking point. It had been coming for a long time, and Jungeun held her throughout the night.

She tells about Yeojin because she knows that even if Yerim doesn’t believe in soulmates, Yeojin would be hers if they were real.

```

She’s having lunch with both of her parents for the first time in weeks. The three of them have gotten better at spending actual time together the past few years, but they’re all still very busy people.

“Are you and Jungeun still doing okay in therapy?” Her father asks, fingers flying across his phone. He’s probably doing something work related, never not needed by his company. 

Yerim hums around her chopsticks, forcing herself to swallow so she can answer. “Yes, she’s opening up a lot more lately. I don’t know what made her want to share so much. It’s like a switch just flipped.”

“That’s good.” Her mother smacks at her father’s phone. He puts it away with a sheepish smile toward them both. “And you? How have you been?”

Yerim shrugs. “I’m… okay. I’ve been sharing a bit more too, I guess.”

“That’s good! I’m glad.” Her father chuckles, seeming a bit embarrassed by his excitement. Yerim thinks it’s sweet how happy they are for her when she makes any sort of progress.

Her father finishes first, no surprise with how well he eats, and drags away the extra trash and dirty dishes. He presses quick kisses into Yerim and her mother’s hair, tidying up so they won’t have to.

She loves days like this, even if they don’t get it often. She loves  _ them _ , and although she knows that they love her too, she wishes they could spend more time together. 

“So um-” Yerim shrinks at their curious gazes. “-can I tell you something?”

Her father is still cleaning some dishes in the sink, but she can hear the affirmative he gives. Her mother physically turns herself in her chair to give Yerim her attention. 

“I-” Yerim swallows. “-am going to ask Yeojin on a date. Are you okay with that?”

She’s so busy watching her mother’s confused expression that she doesn’t notice her father approaching until he speaks, startling her. “Yerim- We thought you were already dating Yeojin?”

She splutters. “Wh- No- You what? How? You knew I-”

Her father presses a wet, soapy hand over her mouth. She squeals, punching him in the arm. “I’m so- Stop hitting me! I just thought you were malfunctioning!”

“Sweetie.” Her mother sighs. “I’ve been talking to Haseul for years about your future wedding. Now I’m embarrassed.”

Yerim wants to scream. She’s embarrassed? Imagine how Yerim feels to know that her parents thought they were already dating, and apparently she’s been talking with her best friend’s sister about them getting married for years? Yerim is horrified.

“You’ve been talking to Haseul?”

“Yes!” Her mother throws her arms up in a very childish way. “Haseul seems just as certain that you two will get married! I thought you were just too shy to tell us.”   
Her father nods. “We were just waiting on you.”

Yerim falls back into her seat with a huff. All these years of being scared to tell them about her crush on Yeojin, and they already thought they were together. 

“You don’t mind?” Yerim asks. “It’s not bad that I’ve liked her for so long?”

Her mother blinks. “Bad? No, of course not.”

“Your mother thinks it’s romantic!” Her father is once again smacked, but not by Yerim this time.

“Don’t even start. You’re the one that’s already looking for tuxes. You better hope you don’t get too fat for one with the way you’ve been hogging all my cake snacks lately.”

She watches them argue back and forth, like the old married couple that they are, and wonders if this is just a natural response to such a confession. Jungeun had been positive, her parents are reacting well, so why was her grandmother an outlier?

A slow laugh breaks through her lips without warning. Her parents’s arguing trickles out, simultaneously glancing at her. “She made me worry for so long for no reason.”

“Who made you worry?” Her father asks.

“Grandma. She told me I was taking advantage of Yeojin, and that it-” She shakes her head. “-I was so worried that you would think it was wrong. To like her for so long and never say anything to her.”

She pushes back her tears, and her father doesn’t hesitate to cross the room, tugging her into her side. She hears a scraping against the kitchen floor, the chair leg scratching their marble floor, before another pair of arms are holding her as well.

“Honey, no. There’s nothing wrong with that. You didn’t take advantage of anyone, Yerim.” Her mother's voice is soft. “Goodness, is this why you’ve been so closed off?”

Her father’s fingers run through her hair as she nods. “Yerim, you should have talked to us.”

“You’re never home to talk to.” She winces as soon as the words leave her mouth.

There’s no reply for a moment, and Yerim is left to assume that they’re doing that silent communication thing above her head. She merely waits for the incoming fight, leaning into her father’s sturdy hold.

“Yerim.” Her mother pulls at her chin, forcing her to look at her. She looks on the brink of tears. Yerim wants to slap herself silly for making her mother so upset. “I’m sorry. We can make more time at home.”

Yerim blinks. Had it been that simple all this time? 

Her father sighs. “Why didn’t you tell us that before?”

She shrugs, not because she doesn’t know the answer to that, but because she doesn’t know why she came up with the answer in the first place.

Her grandmother taught her to hide her pain, her sadness, to ensure the happiness of the people around her. That’s why she never asked them to stay, never asked them to help her with her homework, never asked for them to spend more time with her when she was sad.

The answer had always been to hide away the bad emotions.

“I didn’t want to upset you.”

Her mother swallows. “I’m your mother, Yerim.  _ I’m  _ the one that should be looking out for you, and now  _ you’re  _ upset.”

“Don’t worry.” Yerim gives a rueful smile. “I’m not going to cry. I’m not a baby.”

She’s alarmed by a few sniffles from her father. “It’s okay if you want to.”

Yerim shakes her head, but she can already feel the tears coming just with that simple assurance from him. “I don’t cry.”

He releases a wet chuckle. “Are you sure? It looks like you are.”

She only processes his words after she wipes her cheeks, wet with tears. “Oh.”

Yerim, for the first time in a very long time, allows herself to be upset without being mad at herself for it, because her parents are crying into her hair, telling her it’s okay to do the same. She ignores the words her grandmother told her, and she cries.

It feels freeing.

  
  


```

  
  


**_BFF <3:_ ** Hey random thoughts! :D

**_BFF <3: _ ** Haseul randomly mentioned us getting married!

**_BFF <3: _ ** And I kind of realized I totally want to do that! With you!

**_Yerim <3: _ ** Did you just propose to me?

**_BFF <3: _ ** No! It was like…

**_BFF <3: _ ** A pre-proposal!!!

  
  


Yerim gapes down at the phone, Jinsol leaning over to read what has her so shocked while they’re stopped at a red light.

“Oh. Woah, wait, what?” Jinsol blinks, jumping in her seat when a car beeps at them from behind. “Is Yeojin into you?”

Yerim blushes, stuttering for a response that won’t incriminate her own feelings, but Jinsol obviously picks up on them anyway.

“Oh my gosh!” Jinsol screeches, smacking her already broken down truck’s steering wheel. Yerim is slightly afraid it might pop off if she keeps hitting it like that. “You like her too!”

Jungeun snorts on her other side. Yerim feels like a tiny child stuck in the middle of them like this. “Duh.”

Jinsol reaches over to hit her girlfriend in the arm. “And you knew?”

Yerim rolls her eyes when they start bickering, typing out a reply.

  
  
  


**_Yerim <3: _ ** You better not wear those dumb buns on our wedding day

**_BFF <3: _ ** You love my buns :(

  
  
  


Yerim sighs, ignoring Jungeun’s laugh when she spies Yeojin’s reply. She really does love her dumb hair buns though.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Man let me tell you something. It hurt writing that scene between Yerim and her grandmother.
> 
> And y'all know that Yeojin would totally steal away Yerim's big moment with a stupid text like that. Blame Jungeun.


End file.
